I Married an Older Man

I am not sure why this topic seems so interesting to so many people. My clients and followers are always really intrigued by the fact that my husband is 15 years my senior.  Here’s a bit about what it’s like being married to an older man and the questions people ask me about my relationship.

I am also a big fan of the show The Bachelor (we all have to have our guilty pleasures) and when the topic of Arie and Rebekah came up I decided to write this post. If you are not following this season of The Bachelor here are the Coles notes: Arie is this seasons hunky bachelor he’s 36 and Rebekah who is one of the front runners is 22. They really like each other and she seems to be pretty mature for her age. If they do end up together then maybe they could have a bit of a longer engagement before tying the knot?  All I know is that I married the love of my life and he’s 15 years older than me. So in a world where there is a lot of craziness and dating apps and what not go with your heart as a wise man once said “all we need is love” ~John Lennon.

I guess it’s a pretty big age gap – I’m a millennial and he’s a gen-Xer. Sure, my blog, Instagram addiction and over all iPhone dependency get to him a bit but we really have the most amazing mature relationship and it just works!

How we met:

I had just finished up doing a Masters in Social Work in England, I came back to Toronto with no real direction in what I wanted to do. I didn’t want to pursue a career in social work after being really burnt out and being a bit emotionally overwhelmed. I knew I had to get going on my career in makeup but I still needed income to get back on my feet. I started working at a bar in downtown Toronto on Front Street. I had been back from England for about a month and was working at the bar when Paul walked in. I know it’s cheesy and cliché but the minute I laid eyes on him I felt a spark, and it was totally mutual. We had a brief conversation about me living in England, and he told me he went there a lot for work. Then, he paid his bill and left.

About a week later he came back in to meet a client ( he worked 5 minutes away) and again it was undeniable the chemistry was off the charts.

I can’t remember all the details but he asked me out a couple times and I turned him down because I didn’t know what his angle was. I was a 25-year-old bartender and he was a 40-year-old business man. Turns out he didn’t have an angle: he was just really into me. He pretty much came into my work every day for a year to see if he could change my mind and, eventually, I agreed to go on a date with him. I still remember it as being one of the best nights of my life.J

Fast-forward and here we are, seven years later, married with a beautiful daughter and a wonderful loving relationship. Don’t get me wrong – we have had our moments, our extreme blowouts, and all that fun relationship stuff but It’s never been age related.

Here are the top five questions I get asked about being married to an older man:

Did you marry for money ?

I am not sure why this is the first thought people have but it’s shocking how often and how straight-up people are about asking this. It didn’t even occur to me when I started dating him and we definitely never had a ‘sugar daddy’that type relationship. In a nutshell, NO, I definitely didn’t marry for money. I work seven days a week, pretty much, and am very independent financially. Sure, Paul is the main breadwinner but it’s because he has more work experience and is at a different level in his career. I hope to be the main breadwinner within the next couple years because I am wildly ambitious and want my business to be HUGE!

How is the intimacy? (he will not be happy about this!)

It’ s great! No complaints. The age thing is not an issue in this department.

Will you have more kids, given his age?

We would love to expand our family and have a sibling for Eve. Of course, the majority of society has kids in their thirties but, as people get more involved in their careers and education, both men and women are having kids in their mid to late forties. It has come up a few times when we think “hmm, maybe we should stop at one.” Ultimately, though, the age gap isn’t a deciding factor as to whether or not we have more kids.

What is it like when getting together with his friends and their wives, given the age gap?

It’s great! I don’t think about the age gap at all. I am sure the conversation/activities we do are different than younger couples but I have never been married to a younger dude so I can’t compare. His friends and their partners are great and we have a great time together.

What’s the biggest hurdle / argument you guys have had that is age-related?

Sometimes I get insecure about the future and my career. Paul is a lot more laid back about the future because, through his experience, he’s already gone through his 30s and feels that things will work out if they are supposed to. He tries to help me relax by telling me that everything will be ok. So, basically, the arguments we have are about being at different stages of our lives and those different perspectives.

All in all, I would marry Paul over and over again. He’s my guy and the age gap is not a problem between us. All relationships require work and understanding between two individuals.

I would love to hear about your relationships and how you make them work 🙂

Thanks for reading and here are a few book recommendations that have really made us stronger in our relationship. They would be a great Valentines day gift for that special someone in your life.

xo Shira